It’s the most complicated word…because how can we really define it? In the last few years I have gone from “eventual mom” to “foster mom” to “pre-adoptive mom” to, hopefully some day soon, just what my son calls me- “momma/mommy”.
Our whole world hangs on this notion of what a mom is. Or isn’t. You can be legally severed from being a mom. You can be legally “granted” motherhood. You can accidentally stumble upon it after 1 too many margaritas. You can be a biological mom, adoptive mom, spiritual mom, second mom to your kids friends, and probably at least 100 other types of mom.
No matter which type of mom you are (even “not a mom”), it’s all about your choices and what battles you are willing to fight. I hear all the time, “oh I could never do what you do or oh I don’t know how you do it!” Guess what? Neither do I. But I chose to be a mom and there is no battle that I won’t fight for my son. I am momma, hear me roar. The only choice left is to get up each day and fight the next battle.
For me that literally means fighting to keep my son. He’s too young to even know that countless hours have been left un-slept and a million tears cried for him. I hope that he never really knows about it all (not the facts and his history, but the emotional roller coaster that we go through). I hope all he ever knows is how much I love him.
Having my own child has made me stop and think some on what my mom went through as I was growing up. She is my biological mother and never had to fight for me, but that didn’t mean there weren’t scares. I’m going to ignore the teenage years for the sake of time. 🙂 … As a baby I contracted meningitis. The doctors told my parents that I would not survive the night. Obviously they were wrong.
Can you imagine the horror of that time? I can. Do you know how many times I have heard the story of me almost dying? Once, maybe twice ever. Actually, thinking about it always makes me question whether I just dreamed it because it’s not something I’ve ever heard much about. And that’s the way it should be.
Love is about being there for each other and truly caring. That’s what I walked away from my childhood knowing and what I strive to show my son every day. Someday he’s going to look back at all the pictures of us loving each other (ones that I can’t post here!). I hope the story of how I legally became his mom will seem like nothing more than a weird dream.